We woke up to a phone call this morning from the doctor stating that Grey had an episode that required more intervention than just stimulation. Her heart rate and oxygen saturation dropped dramatically requiring two minutes of chest compressions and bagging in order for her to recover. We immediately got ready and went straight to the hospital.
Upon arriving to the hospital we were greeted by the nurse who had Grey that night and the one who was taking over for her. They both were encouraged by how she looked at the moment and said “her color is looking a lot better.” It’s terrifying to us as parents when things like this happen, but it is also scary for the nurses. We debriefed the situation with them and shortly after talking Grey had another episode that required the doctor to come to her bedside. Her heart rate dropped again and she looked very limp and pale. A color no mom wants to see their baby look. It hit me hard. I had to leave the room because my emotions were overflowing and tears started to flow. Why is this happening? She has been doing so well. All of these thoughts were rushing through my mind one right after the other and I felt helpless.
Feeling helpless and out of control is one of the worst feelings. The “NICU roller coaster” was described to us at the beginning of this journey and today has been the definition of that meaning. Grey was doing so well. She still is, but today felt like a step in the wrong direction. It’s discouraging to us, but really, look how far she has come. It’s amazing! Some encouraging advice from a friend was to look at Grey’s accomplishments more than her set backs to get you through the hard days. I’ve really tried to focus on that. Even though today was TERRIBLE, I am glad we are here today and she is fighting to win each day with God right by her side.
I returned to her room, Grey was fighting again! Her heart rate was back up and she was looking around like “what just happened?” They are running some labs to look for infection. They stopped her feeds, she is back on NAVA (ventilator) continuously, and she has an IV for antibiotics. We won’t know the lab results until possibly tomorrow or the next day. We will update you when we find out.
As always, thank you so much for praying. She hasn’t had any major episodes since this morning. Specifically pray that she NEVER does this again and for God’s continued protection.